I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
