It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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