"it" just moved
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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