I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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