wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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