i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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