Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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