I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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