did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
