A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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