Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
