i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
