i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
