Screwed.edu
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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