dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Randomize
