Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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