I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
