You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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