i would punch a child for taco bell
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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