all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
