On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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