Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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