New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
