In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Found the puke drawer
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
