I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
