i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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