i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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