I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
