Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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