I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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