i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
