Swine flu. Run for my life!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
