I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
