if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
