my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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