I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
