but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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