It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
