when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
