I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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