Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
