she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
