I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
