Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
