apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
