I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
