i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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