I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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