So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
