I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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