She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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