i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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