What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
