i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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