Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
and you fell through a lawn chair
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