Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
