she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
