We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
