yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My vagina is officially offended.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
