Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the condom got lost in my hair
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
