My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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