just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
