That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
